If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
if only i could text you this smell
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize