yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
