You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
