Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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