its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just google imaged poop.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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