Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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