You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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