I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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