i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize