So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
And then he peed in my hair
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