I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
