so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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