shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
