i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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