My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
