Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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