New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
