This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
