I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
