ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
