You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
