I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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