no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
