you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
