shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
