Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Randomize
