Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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