And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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