he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
