tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize