Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
