Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize