I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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