If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
my shit smells like andre
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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