I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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