tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
