he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
