it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
