All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I think your dad took our porno
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
