i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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