Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize