I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
