I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
