he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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