saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
