That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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