party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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