so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
