I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
