Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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