at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
