i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
