the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
