so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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