maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
