Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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