There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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