How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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