I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
