i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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