my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
