Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
