Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
