the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
