I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
