Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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