All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Randomize
