WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I got her a Nickelback box set.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
