the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
