just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
