so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
porn star boner night. come get it.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
