I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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