Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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