It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
