my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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