I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
