worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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