I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
