"it" just moved
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
