I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
