Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
