Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
